Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
Porn can warp the consumer's perception of sex in a relationship, escalating their desires to be unexpectedly extreme. This story shows how a simple habit can evolve into an obsession that overtakes.
Dear FTND,
After recently becoming a Fighter and reading other peoples’ stories about their struggles with pornography, I felt I should do the same. I would like to remain anonymous.
I believe I was roughly 8 or 9 years old when pornography came into the picture. Prior to this, I had a bit of exposure to sex through scenes on tv shows and movies and an incident that occurred when I was really young.
The beginning of my habit
While my mom and I were living at my step dad’s house, I would sneak into his study/computer room while no one else was home and I would start looking up porn. I would usually watch it about once a day or so whenever I had an opened window. There were a few times I even made purchases or watched brief/full episodes of adult programs. I had also gotten into my step dad’s closet and discovered his stash of porn mags and DVDs.
Related: What My Husband’s Obsession With Porn Taught Me About Our Marriage
I would sneak them up to my room and browse the pictures or watch the DVDs. I had been caught a few times but really felt I only got a slap on the wrist.
My escalating desires and habits
As time went by, my porn consumption escalated to where I couldn’t think of anything but sex, whether it was certain sex scenes or play out fantasies in my head. I found myself watching pornography [not exaggerating] 3 to 5 times a day, or more depending on how much I needed to get my “high” if you will for lack of a better term. I was typically known for being a person that kept to themselves at school and at home.
Constantly thinking about porn drew me away from social groups. I would rarely ever go out with friends or spend time with family. Most of my time outside of school and family events was spent in my room wondering when I would have the chance to watch porn next and until the time came to help calm me down from the cravings. My porn addiction got to the point where I acted out some of my sexual fantasies which I will not disclose on here.
Related: Study Exposes Long-Term Negative Effects Porn Has On Marriage
I had even developed sexual habits/fetishes that I thought I’d never have. It disgusts me every time I have thoughts about said habits/fetishes but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t hold down long-term relationships because I never knew how to properly have one. All my information was from the porn I have watched.
Temporarily satisfied in fantasy, never satisfied in reality
Even when I was married, sex was all I ever thought about and desired by my wife. It got to a point in our marriage where I wasn’t satisfied with our intimacy, wasn’t “finishing” properly, my wife wouldn’t do certain things I wanted her to, or she wasn’t satisfied with my performance that I continued watching pornography to meet my pleasurable needs and combat the depression that was developing.
I have tried quite a few times to quit pornography but it wouldn’t be long before the desires came and I gave in and started watching again. The longest I went without porn was 2 months.
Breaking free, for good
On August 2nd, I made a commitment to quit pornography for good. It has been almost 2 months now since I’ve last seen porn. I do still have thoughts about porn, fantasies play through my head, and memories of my sexual experiences, but it’s a work in progress.
Related: Why I Quit Watching Porn For My Kids, My Wife, And Myself
I came across FTND early in the morning on September 17th and felt I needed to use my experience and struggle from porn to help others who are going through the same thing. I need to spread the word on the harms of pornography to help prevent others from going through what we did.
I am 23, single, and a Fighter. And I am proud of it.
– C.
Why this matters
Have you ever wondered how pornographers who charge for their material stay in business when there’s so much porn available for free? As Wendy Seltzer—an attorney and fellow at Yale Law School—explained, the answer is actually pretty simple: once porn consumers get hooked, they’ll want more and more. “Seeing [free porn] just whets their appetite for more,” Seltzer said. “Once they get through what’s available for free, they’ll move into the paid services.” [1]
How can pornographers be so sure? The answer is right there inside the brain, because porn is an escalating and potentially addictive behavior.
Research shows that those who consume pornography have a much higher tendency to objectify those around them and to be more critical of their partner’s body, looks, and sexual performance. How is that healthy for a relationship?
Porn is, at best, heartbreaking, and at worst, downright destructive to relationships. Thankfully, real love and mutual determination can have the power to work through the damage porn can cause in a relationship. But both partners have to be all-in, and sometimes, they can’t weather the difficulties porn brings. And that’s okay, too.
Our mission since day one has been to shine a light on the real harms of pornography and make this issue a hot topic, not some awkward or hidden conversation. By being open about the harms of pornography, we can change attitudes and perceptions about this new drug in our society, and how it’s affecting individuals, relationships, and our society as a whole.
Fight for real love, and fight to change the world.
Get Involved
Show support for this brave Fighter and SHARE this article. Spread the facts on the harmful effects of porn and help to change the conversation about porn in society.
Spark Conversations
This movement is all about changing the conversation about pornography and stopping the demand for sexual exploitation. When you rep a tee, you can spark meaningful conversation on porn’s harms and inspire lasting change in individuals’ lives, and our world. Are you in? Check out all our styles in our online store, or click below to shop:
Citations
[1] Schwartz, J. P. (2004). The Pornography Industry Vs. Digital Pirates. New York Times, February 8.
Your Support Matters Now More Than Ever
Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
This is why Fight the New Drug exists—but we can’t do it without you.
Your donation directly fuels the creation of new educational resources, including our awareness-raising videos, podcasts, research-driven articles, engaging school presentations, and digital tools that reach youth where they are: online and in school. It equips individuals, parents, educators, and youth with trustworthy resources to start the conversation.
Will you join us? We’re grateful for whatever you can give—but a recurring donation makes the biggest difference. Every dollar directly supports our vital work, and every individual we reach decreases sexual exploitation. Let’s fight for real love: