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How My Porn Habit Warped My Sexual Tastes and Drove My Marriage Apart

Dear FTND, After recently becoming a Fighter and reading other peoples’ stories about their struggles with pornography, I felt I should do the same. I would like...

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

Porn can warp the consumer's perception of sex in a relationship, escalating their desires to be unexpectedly extreme. This story shows how a simple habit can evolve into an obsession that overtakes.

Dear FTND,

After recently becoming a Fighter and reading other peoples’ stories about their struggles with pornography, I felt I should do the same. I would like to remain anonymous.

I believe I was roughly 8 or 9 years old when pornography came into the picture. Prior to this, I had a bit of exposure to sex through scenes on tv shows and movies and an incident that occurred when I was really young.

The beginning of my habit

While my mom and I were living at my step dad’s house, I would sneak into his study/computer room while no one else was home and I would start looking up porn. I would usually watch it about once a day or so whenever I had an opened window. There were a few times I even made purchases or watched brief/full episodes of adult programs. I had also gotten into my step dad’s closet and discovered his stash of porn mags and DVDs.

Related: What My Husband’s Obsession With Porn Taught Me About Our Marriage

I would sneak them up to my room and browse the pictures or watch the DVDs. I had been caught a few times but really felt I only got a slap on the wrist.

My escalating desires and habits

As time went by, my porn consumption escalated to where I couldn’t think of anything but sex, whether it was certain sex scenes or play out fantasies in my head. I found myself watching pornography [not exaggerating] 3 to 5 times a day, or more depending on how much I needed to get my “high” if you will for lack of a better term. I was typically known for being a person that kept to themselves at school and at home.

Constantly thinking about porn drew me away from social groups. I would rarely ever go out with friends or spend time with family. Most of my time outside of school and family events was spent in my room wondering when I would have the chance to watch porn next and until the time came to help calm me down from the cravings. My porn addiction got to the point where I acted out some of my sexual fantasies which I will not disclose on here.

Related: Study Exposes Long-Term Negative Effects Porn Has On Marriage

I had even developed sexual habits/fetishes that I thought I’d never have. It disgusts me every time I have thoughts about said habits/fetishes but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t hold down long-term relationships because I never knew how to properly have one. All my information was from the porn I have watched.

Temporarily satisfied in fantasy, never satisfied in reality

Even when I was married, sex was all I ever thought about and desired by my wife. It got to a point in our marriage where I wasn’t satisfied with our intimacy, wasn’t “finishing” properly, my wife wouldn’t do certain things I wanted her to, or she wasn’t satisfied with my performance that I continued watching pornography to meet my pleasurable needs and combat the depression that was developing.

I have tried quite a few times to quit pornography but it wouldn’t be long before the desires came and I gave in and started watching again. The longest I went without porn was 2 months.

Breaking free, for good

On August 2nd, I made a commitment to quit pornography for good. It has been almost 2 months now since I’ve last seen porn. I do still have thoughts about porn, fantasies play through my head, and memories of my sexual experiences, but it’s a work in progress.

Related: Why I Quit Watching Porn For My Kids, My Wife, And Myself

I came across FTND early in the morning on September 17th and felt I needed to use my experience and struggle from porn to help others who are going through the same thing. I need to spread the word on the harms of pornography to help prevent others from going through what we did.

I am 23, single, and a Fighter. And I am proud of it.

C.

Why this matters

Have you ever wondered how pornographers who charge for their material stay in business when there’s so much porn available for free? As Wendy Seltzer—an attorney and fellow at Yale Law School—explained, the answer is actually pretty simple: once porn consumers get hooked, they’ll want more and more. “Seeing [free porn] just whets their appetite for more,” Seltzer said. “Once they get through what’s available for free, they’ll move into the paid services.” [1]

How can pornographers be so sure? The answer is right there inside the brain, because porn is an escalating and potentially addictive behavior.

Research shows that those who consume pornography have a much higher tendency to objectify those around them and to be more critical of their partner’s body, looks, and sexual performance. How is that healthy for a relationship?

Porn is, at best, heartbreaking, and at worst, downright destructive to relationships. Thankfully, real love and mutual determination can have the power to work through the damage porn can cause in a relationship. But both partners have to be all-in, and sometimes, they can’t weather the difficulties porn brings. And that’s okay, too.

Our mission since day one has been to shine a light on the real harms of pornography and make this issue a hot topic, not some awkward or hidden conversation. By being open about the harms of pornography, we can change attitudes and perceptions about this new drug in our society, and how it’s affecting individuals, relationships, and our society as a whole.

Fight for real love, and fight to change the world.

Get Involved

Show support for this brave Fighter and SHARE this article. Spread the facts on the harmful effects of porn and help to change the conversation about porn in society.

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Citations

[1] Schwartz, J. P. (2004). The Pornography Industry Vs. Digital Pirates. New York Times, February 8.