Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
We recently received a true story that shows how love can overcome even the most difficult circumstances. Many partners feel betrayed when their significant other struggles with porn. However, that doesn't mean that the person struggling is broken and that the relationship has to end in every case. Some stories, like this one, show how honesty can help rebuild and repair trust and communication. In the end, shaming doesn't help someone who is struggling with porn, but encouragement and love most definitely do.
Hello FTND!
I just wanted to say thank you for all of the great tips, advice, and support that your page has given me and my soon to be husband.
My fiancé has struggled with porn for many years. He was first exposed to it completely by accident when he was 11 years old. He obviously had no prior knowledge of sex whatsoever at that age and quickly became hooked to it. He has been struggling with porn for about 15 years now.
We began dating one year ago. A few months before he and I even met, I began following your page because I agreed with all of the posts you have made and have respected you for standing up for true love. About 6 months into my relationship with my now fiancé (then boyfriend), he told me about his porn struggle. Because of what I know about porn’s powerful hold on people, I was able to react in a non-emotional way. I told him that we will fight this battle together and that he does not have to hide in the darkness anymore. He was so relieved with my positive response, and honestly, it has really brought us closer.
Related: 5 Tips For Supporting Your Partner As They Kick Their Porn Habit
A few months after he told me, you posted something about how recovering porn addicts can make great partners because they have someone to fight for and they are trying to become the best version of themselves. I totally agree with that! He has worked with his therapist and has been very inspired by your quotes and positive encouragement. He has come so far in his recovery! He is not completely over it yet but I have seen a dramatic difference in his attitude and perspective since we first met. He even told me a couple of nights ago that as of late, whenever he has the urge to look at porn, he’s almost repulsed by it. He says he feels the need to connect with me instead of a computer screen.
Our wedding is just weeks away and I couldn’t be happier with the man I get to marry. Thank you for the awesome daily advice, I look for your posts a lot!
–B.
Why this matters
We love to hear stories of hope and positivity sent by couples who refuse to let porn tear them apart, and choose to fight together. Anyone who struggles with porn has to decide to stop watching for themselves, first, but encouragement from a partner can make a world of difference.
Understanding that a porn struggle can happen to anyone is often a helpful first step to supporting those who struggle. Especially when a viewer is exposed at such a young age, a struggle with porn does not make someone a bad person. So many who watch porn feel an enormous amount of shame brought on by others or themselves, which pretty much always makes the issue worse. Many feel like they’re a bad person, not worth a good relationship, or permanently broken. Not only is this untrue, but these feelings of shame can also cripple people’s self-esteem and stunt their progress. And we realize this is a complex issue, since remorse can be a healthy part of finding freedom and healing wounds. But too often shame is used as a beating stick that weakens and demoralizes.
Related: How To Talk To Your Partner About Porn & Why It’s Important That You Do
By choosing love and understanding like this Fighter, instead of shame, we are helping to promote true change in this porn-saturated society. Continue to spread the word that pornography is harmful to individuals, relationships, and society in a way that will inspire and motivate others to choose love for themselves, too.
Get Involved
Love is stronger than shame and people who are struggling need support, whether from friends or partners who are willing to fight alongside them. SHARE this article to help those who might be struggling.
Need help?
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your unwanted porn habit, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.
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Your Support Matters Now More Than Ever
Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
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