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Cover photo by Joanna Nix. 2 minute read.
Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
We recently received this true story from a woman who shows us how love can outlast a porn addiction. Some stories, like this one, show how much more vibrant relationships can be when it’s just the two partners focusing on rebuilding trust and love.
Hey FTND,
I wanted to say—it is possible for someone to overcome 10+ years of intense addiction and live a life of deep, trusting, and unadulterated love.
My now husband admitted his addiction to me when we had been dating about 6 months. I didn’t know the extent of it at the time, but the following two years would show me, as he continually struggled and failed to combat the addiction. We fought, we took “breaks,” I doubted his ability to recover… But time and time again he proved to me that his genuine character was good. And that although this addiction was tearing him apart, it was not who he really was.
Related: It’s Okay To Not Be Okay: What Partners Of Porn Consumers Want You To Know
When I advise other women in the same situation I tell them to examine the man’s character. If the addiction stems from deep in his character, then it may not be something to overcome in the context of relationship. But if his character shines through… It does not have to be the end.
As we continued to work together, he gave up technology altogether for a time. He attended addiction recovery meetings, and saw a counselor. With guidance, assistance, and community around him, he is now two years porn-free! And our relationship is rooted in complete trust and knowing that we will both fail each other at times, but we love each other at our best and worst.
Related: 15 Scientifically Explained Reasons Why Porn Isn’t Healthy For Viewers Or Society
Thank you for what you all do. I know how destructive porn is, and I know what real love looks like outside of it. And I believe that one day society will see it too, thanks to your work! Thank you for giving people hope!
–D.
Hope for healing can be possible
We love stories like this! Humans are wired for emotional and physical connection to other humans, and relationships can be lived out in the healthiest ways when trust and genuine intimacy are the main factors. The fight for love and the fight against porn may be difficult, but it’s always worth it if both partners are committed to overcoming it.
The truth is, everyone—those who struggle and partners—will handle the negative effects of porn differently.
Sometimes, it will be clear that this is not a struggle that can be healed within the relationship and going separate ways may be best for both partners. But sometimes, there’s hope for healing and both partners can choose to stick together while fighting it out. Everyone’s situation is unique and there are a lot of factors to consider in every case.
Why it’s worth celebrating when partners overcome porn
It may seem like porn isn’t that big of a deal. Why celebrate someone’s freedom from something that is just harmless personal entertainment, right? Consider how study after study has revealed the deep emotional, psychological and even physical harms that pornography can cause the consumer and their partner. Porn can drive a deep wedge between partners, fuel anxiety and depression, and it can even harm a consumer’s sexual health, including causing erectile dysfunction for males. Watching isn’t worth it, especially considering pornography’s huge link to sex trafficking and sexual exploitation.
For those struggling, or have partners who may be struggling with this addictive habit, steadfast and dedicated love can win out over a porn obsession, especially when both partners are committed to working together toward healthy change.
We stand for authentic relationships that strive for selflessness and mutuality, and strive to keep porn out of the picture. We stand for love. You with us?
Need help?
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your unwanted porn habit, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.
Fight the New Drug may receive financial support from purchases made using affiliate links.
Get Help – For Partners
If your partner is struggling with porn, you are not alone—know that there is hope, and there is help. As you navigate this difficult situation, there are supportive communities and resources available to you. Below is a non-exhaustive list of several resources for those experiencing hurt because of their partner’s porn consumption. Note that this isn’t a complete resource list.
Disclaimer: For those who may find themselves involved in this sensitive situation, their responses can differ. This is why resources need to fit the specific needs of whoever is seeking them. Some of these resources are gender-specific, others are religiously-affiliated, others use a variety of approaches. Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non-legislative awareness and education organization hoping to provide access to resources that are helpful to those who need support. Including this list of recommendations does not constitute an endorsement by Fight the New Drug.
Your Support Matters Now More Than Ever
Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
This is why Fight the New Drug exists—but we can’t do it without you.
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Will you join us? We’re grateful for whatever you can give—but a recurring donation makes the biggest difference. Every dollar directly supports our vital work, and every individual we reach decreases sexual exploitation. Let’s fight for real love: