Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
We recently received this true story from a male Fighter who reminded us that women aren't the only ones who are abused in porn. Some stories, like this one, shed light on the damage and unhealthiness that porn brings into viewers' lives and relationships.
Hello FTND,
I’m from the UK and I have struggled with varying levels of porn use for almost two decades. There have been periods of my life when I watched porn daily for hours on end with devastating consequences on my work life and relationships with family and partners.
It began 20 years ago when I was 17 and a group of friends discovered some old magazines at our place of work. They belonged to an older colleague and we all just had a bit of a giggle. What I did not realize at the time was that I was about to embark on a downward spiral into addiction.
Related: 5 Signs You Might Be Addicted To Watching Porn
After finding the magazines, I made the decision to buy a similar magazine of my own. This satisfied my curiosity for a few years but when I reached my early 20’s I started to view images on my computer. The images became videos and as I gradually became desensitized to the content of the videos, it progressed from what would be considered softcore to hardcore porn.
Over the last decade I have consumed every conceivable form of porn, but the most devastating for me personally was when I discovered porn that focused on male humiliation and violent male abuse.
Related: Porn Inspired Me To Think Abuse Can Be Sexy, But Now I Know How Much It Isn’t
At the time I discovered it, I had recently found myself unemployed at the beginning of the year with very low self-esteem. One day, I was searching for new forms of porn online and I stumbled across genres that promote female to male abuse, and this was the evolution of my addiction. I suddenly found myself aroused by watching videos of women degrading and being extremely physically violent toward men.
From online fantasy to real-life degradation
This had a terrible impact on my relationship with my partner at the time, who I encouraged to become an abuser of sorts so that she could carry out the same acts as the videos I was watching. At first, she was upset and disturbed, but I assured her that I enjoyed the pain so that she would continue to bring my fantasies to reality.
Related: 6 Ways That Watching Porn Can Cost You More Than You Realize
Suffice to say, the psychological damage was done, and from that moment onward we very rarely made love and sex would usually involve her hurting me in some way, even after we discussed the possibility of it having a negative impact on our relationship. It was as if we had both become addicted.
Finding Fight the New Drug, now I feel compelled to share my story partly because I have never told anyone else about it and somehow the possibility of being able to tell someone of my experience feels strangely liberating.
The long-term impact of binging abusive porn
Since that relationship ended in 2013, I have made an effort to stop consuming porn, especially the male abusive stuff. Sometimes, I may go weeks without watching anything and then I will experience what can only be described as a binge. It is an incredibly difficult habit to break. Many times it feels impossible.
Related: My First Girlfriend Showed Me Porn And I Quickly Became Addicted. Here’s How I Finally Broke Free…
I would like to raise awareness on the negative impact that abusive porn can have. When people think of violent porn, they typically think of violence toward women, and I feel that violence towards men in porn is often overlooked.
Both are equally unhealthy and unacceptable, and I am glad that I have finally found a source of help along with the possibility of helping others before they make the same mistakes that I have.
– C.
Why This Matters
This Fighter’s story demonstrates the escalating nature of consuming porn. What started as a chance viewing of magazines has evolved into a full-blown struggle with consuming violent porn focused on pain and humiliation.
But why is this?
Porn is an escalating behavior because as some consumers develop tolerance toward what they’ve been consuming, the porn that used to excite them starts to seem boring. [1] Predictably, they often try to compensate by spending more time with porn and/or seeking out more hardcore material in an effort to regain the excitement they used to feel. [2]
Many porn consumers find themes of aggression, violence, and increasingly “edgy” acts creeping into their porn habits and fantasies. [3] Consider how, in a survey of 1,500 young adult men, 56% said their tastes in porn had become “increasingly extreme.” [4] But no matter how shocking their tastes become, you can bet there will be pornographers waiting to sell it to them.
Related: The Brain’s Delete Button: How You Can Erase Years Of Watching Porn
These facts are exactly why we’re fighting for healthy relationships and raising awareness that real love is worth fighting for.
Need help?
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your unwanted porn habit, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.
Fight the New Drug may receive financial support from purchases made using affiliate links.
Citations
[1] Park, B. Y., Et Al. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review With Clinical Reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6, 17. Doi:10.3390/Bs6030017; Kalman, T.P. (2008). Clinical Encounters With Internet Pornography. Journal Of The American Academy Of Psychoanalysis And Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(4) 593-618. Doi:10.1521/Jaap.2008.36.4.593
[2] Park, B. Y., Et Al. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review With Clinical Reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6, 17. Doi:10.3390/Bs6030017; Kalman, T.P. (2008). Clinical Encounters With Internet Pornography. Journal Of The American Academy Of Psychoanalysis And Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(4) 593-618. Doi:10.1521/Jaap.2008.36.4.593
[3] Park, B. Y., Et Al. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review With Clinical Reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6, 17. Doi:10.3390/Bs6030017; Kalman, T.P. (2008). Clinical Encounters With Internet Pornography. Journal Of The American Academy Of Psychoanalysis And Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(4) 593-618. Doi:10.1521/Jaap.2008.36.4.593
[4] NoFap Survey (2012) Http://Www.Reddit.Com/R/NoFap/Comments/Updy4/Rnofap_survey_data_complete_datasets/
Your Support Matters Now More Than Ever
Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
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