“I am no longer a sexual person or partner to him, but a sexual object. He is not really with me, not really making love to me when we have intercourse. He seems to be thinking about something or someone else—likely those porn women—or he is just inserting me to play a role in some novel sexual scenario that he saw somewhere. He is just using me as a warm body.”
This quote is from a woman who was part of an interview-based research study of women whose male partners frequently consume pornography Bergner, R. M., & Bridges, A. J. (2002). The significance of heavy pornography involvement for romantic partners: research and clinical implications. Journal of sex & marital therapy, 28(3), 193–206. https://doi.org/10.1080/009262302760328235Copy and is describing the experience of internalized sexual objectification—when someone starts to view themselves as an object that exists for others’ sexual pleasure. Fredrickson, B. L., & Roberts, T.-A. (1997). Objectification Theory: Toward Understanding Women’s Lived Experiences and Mental Health Risks. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 21(2), 173–206. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.1997.tb00108.xCopy Koval et al., (2019). How does it feel to be treated like an object? Direct and indirect effects of exposure to sexual objectification on women's emotions in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Attitudes and Social Cognition, 116 (6), 885-898. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000161Copy
Porn can impact partners’ self-esteem.
With this in mind, it’s not surprising that research shows that feeling sexually objectified is linked to a variety of negative psychological outcomes, including body shame Miles-McLean, H., Liss, M., Erchull, M. J., Robertson, C. M., Hagerman, C., Gnoleba, M. A., . . . Papp, L. J. (2015). “Stop looking at me!” Interpersonal sexual objectification as a source of insidious trauma. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 39, 390–404. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0361684314561018Copy eating disorders,Tylka, T. L., & Van Diest, A. M. K. (2015). You looking at her “hot” body may not be “cool” for me: Integrating male partners’ pornography use into objectification theory for women. Psychology of Women Quarterly,39, 67–84. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0361684314521784Copy and depression.Jones, B. A., & Griffiths, K. M. (2015). Self-objectification and depression: An integrative systematic review. Journal of affective disorders, 171, 22–32. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2014.09.011Copy
Experts have found that female partners of males who consume pornography express feeling more sexually objectified as a result of their partners’ porn habits.Tylka, T. L., & Van Diest, A. M. K. (2015). You looking at her “hot” body may not be “cool” for me: Integrating male partners’ pornography use into objectification theory for women. Psychology of Women Quarterly,39, 67–84. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0361684314521784Copy Wright, P. J., & Tokunaga, R. S. (2018). Women's perceptions of their male partners' pornography consumption and relational, sexual, self, and body satisfaction: Toward a theoretical model. Annals of the International Communication Association, 42, 53–73. https://doi.org/10.1080/23808985.2017.1412802Copy
Knowing their partners view porn increases women’s concern about their partners’ sexual attraction toward their bodies, as studies reveal.Wright, P. J., & Tokunaga, R. S. (2018). Women's perceptions of their male partners' pornography consumption and relational, sexual, self, and body satisfaction: Toward a theoretical model. Annals of the International Communication Association, 42, 53–73. https://doi.org/10.1080/23808985.2017.1412802Copy This seems to be the natural consequence of women becoming aware that their male partner is ‘‘watching’’ and “assessing” other women’s bodies, likely causing her to focus on how her partner may be ‘‘watching’’ and ‘‘assessing’’ her body.
Researchers explain that “she likely self-objectifies by adopting her partner’s perspective of her own body.”Tylka, T. L., & Van Diest, A. M. K. (2015). You looking at her “hot” body may not be “cool” for me: Integrating male partners’ pornography use into objectification theory for women. Psychology of Women Quarterly,39, 67–84. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0361684314521784Copy
The impossible beauty standards in porn
The objectifying influence of pornography can be intensified by mainstream porn. This occurs through the portrayal of impossible beauty standards and a lack of body diversity. Two leading scholars summarized this effect, noting,
“Women in pornography tend to conform to cultural beauty ideals (i.e., they are thin or curvaceously thin), with a small waist and an average-to-large bust size. For example, the average Playboy model has a body mass index of 18.0, which is underweight. A large bust-to-waist ratio and a bra cup size between C and D. Therefore, knowing that her male partner is looking at and likely [becoming aroused by] thin/curvaceously thin women in pornography could heighten a woman’s body focus and pressure to lose weight.”Tylka, T. L., & Van Diest, A. M. K. (2015). You looking at her “hot” body may not be “cool” for me: Integrating male partners’ pornography use into objectification theory for women. Psychology of Women Quarterly,39, 67–84. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0361684314521784Copy
Putting these ideas to the test, this gender equality-informed studyTylka, T. L., & Van Diest, A. M. K. (2015). You looking at her “hot” body may not be “cool” for me: Integrating male partners’ pornography use into objectification theory for women. Psychology of Women Quarterly,39, 67–84. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0361684314521784Copy found that porn consumption by both past and present romantic partners can contribute to the sexual objectification of women and is negatively linked to their well-being. Specifically, in this study, researchers found that the consumption of pornography by previous partners predicted certain outcomes. This prediction included women experiencing higher levels of feeling sexually objectified. Additionally, it resulted in increased levels of body shame. Moreover, it led to an escalation in eating disorder symptomatology.
The researchers concluded, “…these women reported feeling that their male partner transferred the objectifying treatment of women in pornography onto them.”Tylka, T. L., & Van Diest, A. M. K. (2015). You looking at her “hot” body may not be “cool” for me: Integrating male partners’ pornography use into objectification theory for women. Psychology of Women Quarterly,39, 67–84. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0361684314521784Copy
The comparison of porn
No wonder many partners of porn consumers end up feeling depressed and anxious. They perceive themselves as unable to measure up to the impossible standards depicted in porn.
In porn, editors remove mistakes and use Photoshop to eliminate flaws, shaping a polished and idealized portrayal of performers. Porn actors have a whole team to make them look fantastic. Once performers capture their best performance on film, the footage remains timeless and never ages.
Who wants to compete with that?
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Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
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