Here’s an inconvenient truth: while porn is something individuals can choose to consume on their own, that habit doesn’t just affect them—it affects their partner too, and usually, not for the better. Studies have shown that even casual porn consumption can cause the consumer to feel less attracted to their partner. And when a person frequently consumes porn, they’re far more likely to feel less satisfied with their partner’s looks and sexual performance.
In interviews with college-aged women, writer Naomi Wolf has found that in sexual relationships, women frequently feel that “they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want.” And the emotional pain can run much deeper than having a bad experience in the bedroom. Since people in our culture typically expect their intimate relationships to be built on trust, respect, honesty, and love, when someone learns that their partner is using porn—which typically glorifies the opposite: disrespect, abuse, aggression, and infidelity—it can not only damage the trust they have in their partner, but also shake the foundation of everything they believed about the relationship.
Recently, an article on Distractify further showed how porn hurts partners. While we know that pornography is an issue for both men and women, this article, in particular, focuses on how heterosexual women feel about their boyfriends watching porn. The truth is, porn can affect all types of relationships, regardless of any diversifying factors like gender or sexual orientation.
Using the popular Whisper app which allows users to share their deepest secrets anonymously, partners are talking about the feelings of insecurity and loneliness that come from their boyfriend’s porn habit. The following Whispers are sad truths that show how many people feel when they learn their partner has been consuming porn.
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Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
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