Trigger warning: This post contains graphic titles of porn videos that may be triggering to some readers.
Pornography doesn’t give an accurate picture of what healthy sex is like; it cuts out important things like consent, communication, foreplay, and other ways partners are responsive to each other’s needs and preferences.
What is consent?
“Sexual consent” generally refers to a communicated, informed, mutual agreement to engage in sexual activity.
Genuine sexual consent can be revoked at any time. Meaningful sexual consent cannot be given by anyone who is underage, intoxicated, coerced, tricked, forced, or otherwise incapacitated.
Portrayals of consent in porn
Not only does porn rarely depict consent, but it often portrays a lack of consent as normal and desirable.
Real porn titles from popular porn sites.
To illustrate what a lack of consent looks like on porn sites, here’s a small sample of porn titles that were found with a simple internet search:
- “Please no” 5.4M views
- “EXTREME SCREAMING PAINFUL ANAL DESTRUCTION AGAINST HER WILL” 2M views
- “He said no but I shoved it up his a—” 5.2M views
- “PLEASE DO NOT UPLOAD IT ON FACEBOOK. YEAH RIGHT.” 5.7M views
- “Unwanted sex” 2.6M views
- “Trick your GF” 13M views
- “Cute Step-Sis Surprised by Brothers C—” 23.8M views
- “Surprise Anal in Bar” 9.9M views
- “Nephew Takes What His Aunt Won’t Give Him” 8.4M views
So how does porn, specifically, lie to consumers about sexual consent? And how do these lies tangibly impact people who watch porn?
1. Porn can fuel sexual entitlement
Research suggests that many people internalize sexual scripts from porn and often feel pressured to imitate porn in their own sex lives.
Given these toxic messages, it’s unsurprising that porn consumption is a significant predictor of feeling entitled to sex, which is an incredibly unhealthy way to approach consent.Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). 'Without Porn … I Wouldn't Know Half the Things I Know Now': A Qualitative Study of Pornography Use Among a Sample of Urban, Low-Income, Black and Hispanic Youth. Journal of sex research, 52(7), 736–746. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.960908Copy Bouffard, Leana Allen (2010). “Exploring the utility of entitlement in understanding sexual aggression,” Journal of Criminal Justice, Volume 38, Issue 5, Pages 870-879. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcrimjus.2010.06.002.Copy
2. A “yes” is only valid if “no” is a legitimate option.
In reality, “no” always means “no.” Coercing, tricking, or pressuring someone into sex, “surprising” them with a sex act they didn’t consent to, or ignoring them after they’ve asked to stop is sexual violence.
3. Image-based sexual abuse (aka “revenge porn”)
Consent is also important when it comes to sending nudes. Even if someone shares an image willingly, meaningful consent means that they reserve the right to revoke that consent at any time and that their images should never be nonconsensually shared with anyone else.
4. Consent in porn production
In the porn industry, there is virtually no way to guarantee that any piece of pornographic content is truly consensual, ethical, or even legal.
Not only is there virtually no standard system in place to confirm age or consent in porn, but there’s also virtually no formal system for reporting and addressing industry abuse in a way that holds abusers accountable while keeping performers safe.Kristof, N. (2021). Why do we let corporations profit from rape videos? New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/16/opinion/sunday/companies-online-rape-videos.htmlCopy
5. Consent is sexy
Porn sends the message that a lack of consent is sexy, but that’s absolutely not true. When sexual partners actively consent to be with each other, communication about sexual preferences happens naturally, which can really help both partners have a more enjoyable experience.
Every individual’s desires are different, so assuming that they want whatever you’ve seen in porn can be risky and dangerous.
If you have been a victim of sexual violence or image-based sexual abuse, please know that it is not your fault and that there is hope for healing.
For help, visit RAINN’s website or call their free, confidential hotline at 800.656.HOPE.
Your Support Matters Now More Than Ever
Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
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