This post was initially created by a Fighter and posted on her personal blog. It is reposted here with her permission.
I struggle.
I am not the only woman who does. Maybe you do. Maybe you know someone that does.
I was convinced that I was the only one. I thought I stood alone, and that sucked. I was so ashamed of myself, and I felt like I was hiding all of the time. The struggle is real. I get it. A boy introduced it to me when I was fourteen. It’s like sinking sand with no escape.
That feeling of being alone changed during my junior year in college when a counseling group was started for women struggling with pornography. I walked into that room and it hit me that I wasn’t alone.
Pornography is meant to make you feel isolated and alone. It did for me, but beginning to talk about it has changed my life. For the first time, I feel free and unashamed of who I am. Now, I don’t stop talking about it. It’s a comfortable topic that comes up easily. My friends are just used to it by now.
I want to continue talking about it. So, I began with this project, which I’m calling In Response. I had each of these girls write down the messages they are hearing around them about women or people in general who struggle with pornography, but then I had them write down separately how they would respond to that message.
These are real girls, real responses from females just like me who are beginning to speak out against pornography addiction.
“…I want to be seen for my passions, my interests and my dreams. NOT my struggle. Who am I? I laugh and smile a lot. My favorite food is ice-cream. Serving people is one of my greatest passions. I am imperfect, but hey, that’s okay. THAT is my identity.”
“…I want people to be willing to ask questions. Stop making it taboo. Asking questions is not noisy; it shows me that you care. It tells me what I am going through matters. Ask me: ‘What is it like to struggle as a woman?’ or ‘What has this taught you?’”
“…I don’t want a response for myself, but I would just want it to give truth, perspective and hope to someone who needs it.”
“…I suppose people would tell me that’s no reason to view porn. But that is not my point. I think I’m so ruined by being raised in a society that made me fear my sexuality. Now, at 21, I am thinking deeply about what it means to be a sexual being.”
“…I’ve struggled since my early teens and was overcome with guilt and shame. I refused to do anything about it, thinking I was the only one. I’m human, and now I am slowly learning what it means to be a sexual being.”
Talking has helped me find my voice in the silence. Maybe it can help you find yours, too. Remember, you are not alone. You are not fighting alone. Us girls, we stick together.
_______________________________
This Is An Everyone Issue
One common myth in our society is that it is normal for guys to watch porn, but women never would.
Society’s stereotype is all wrong when it comes to this issue. According to this 2018 study, an estimated 91.5% of men and 60.2% of women consume pornography. And research has shown that women are likely just as visually stimulated by porn as men.
At the end of the day, it makes no sense to think of women as not having sexual desire or ability to be aroused by pornography.
After all, Porn is so naturally appealing because it hooks into the sexuality that we all have as humans. It’s mistaken for any of us to think that women don’t have a sexual drive like guys do.
It’s heartbreaking to think that so many girls and women feel like they can’t reach out to anyone because of the stigma that porn is just a “guy thing.”
We’re here to break the taboo and fight for love for everyone.
Your Support Matters Now More Than Ever
Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
This is why Fight the New Drug exists—but we can’t do it without you.
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Will you join us? We’re grateful for whatever you can give—but a recurring donation makes the biggest difference. Every dollar directly supports our vital work, and every individual we reach decreases sexual exploitation. Let’s fight for real love: