How It All Started
I started watching porn when I was 10 years old, became addicted at 11, and entered recovery at 27. My introduction to pornography probably sounds familiar—it was all the boys at school seemed to talk about, so I started watching it to fit in.
It was 2007, Apple had just released the first iPhone, and porn was now readily accessible, anytime, anywhere, to pre-pubescent teens around the world at a level never seen before.
As I write this, it makes me sick to my stomach, knowing that I can’t stop my younger self from going down the dangerous path that I was on. For the first year, I only consumed porn recreationally. I felt in control. But looking back, I now see that control was an illusion.
Porn Became an Addiction
It’s important for people to know that I’m an alcoholic and drug addict (currently in recovery), and yet, I consider porn to be the worst of my addictions. It had a stronger grip on me than substances and caused more long-term damage to my mental health, my relationships, and my finances.
Like any addiction, the amount of dopamine that the brain needs to satisfy itself is relatively low at first. But as tolerance builds, the brain craves more, demanding higher and higher doses. My use escalated from what would be considered soft porn to increasingly hardcore content. When the free porn wasn’t enough, I turned to sex-cam sites, spending an entire month’s wages at my lowest point.
I remember how restless and irritable I would get if I hadn’t watched porn in a while. It could hit at the worst times—I’d find myself making excuses to leave the room, locking myself away in the bathroom, just to watch, not even necessarily to act on it. I just needed to see it. That level of dependency was terrifying.
Porn Destroyed My Relationship
At this point in my life, I was in my first serious relationship. I’m not a believer in the whole “soulmate” thing, but this girl was truly the love of my life. And still is, to this day. We were living together, and she was pregnant with our child. On the surface, everything seemed normal, but behind closed doors, I was at my worst. I hid my addiction from her, lied about our finances, and chose porn over our relationship over and over again.
Eventually, she had enough. She left me shortly after our child was born. At the time, it devastated me. But in hindsight, that was the turning point. That was my fork in the road. I could keep going down the same path, losing everything in the process, or I could admit that I had a problem and get help.
Recovery Saved Me
I chose recovery.
And it has changed everything.
Porn addiction warped my view of intimacy. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I started treating my partner like I expected her to be a porn star. It’s painful to admit, but it’s true. That’s what prolonged exposure to pornography did to me—it shaped my expectations of real-life relationships into something unrealistic, something damaging.
Now, four years later, I am porn-free. While it’s too late to save my relationship, I can say without hesitation that choosing recovery saved my life.
If you’re reading this and you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. The power of knowing that someone else has been through this, that someone else understands, is life-changing. Talking about it, reaching out, and seeking support—that’s what makes the difference.
Recovery is possible. Don’t give up the fight.
Porn Exposure Starts Early
Unfortunately, Alister’s story is all too familiar to us. From early porn exposure to addiction and even the end of a relationship – Alister’s experience is a sad reminder of how much damage pornography can sew in someone’s life.
Just like Alister’s story, pornography consumption can start early. The average age of first pornography exposure is 13 years old.British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/research; https://www.jmir.org/2023/1/e43116/PDFCopy But the terrifying part of this statistic? That’s just the average age. Some people, like Alister, saw porn even earlier. Unfortunately, the statistics tell us that some people first saw porn at 5. That’s even half the age that Alister first saw it. Porn isn’t good. Period. But watching porn at the age where you’re learning to ride a bike, starting to read and write, and developing early friendships – that’s just devastating.
Pornography Consumption Can Become An Addiction
While the DSM hasn’t officially categorized pornography as an addiction, a porn “addiction” fulfills every symptom listed by DSM that defines an addiction. Those four symptoms are: (1) impaired control, (2) social problems, (3) risky use, and (4) physical dependence.https://www.addictionpolicy.org/post/dsm-5-facts-and-figuresCopy
To break it down, this just means that someone wants to cut down on their use of a “substance” but can’t, they start neglecting responsibilities or activities because of their addiction, they can’t stop with their addiction despite risky situations or knowing that it’s bad for them, and they need more of that same “substance” to have the same effect on them as it used to.
Sound familiar? That’s exactly what happened to Alister.
Like a drug addiction, Alister couldn’t give it up even when he and the person he loved most wanted him to. He started using his wages just to fulfill his needs. He knew it was bad for him, but he’d become so dependent on porn that he needed it, even in situations that required him to lock himself in the bathroom. And the porn he started on wasn’t enough to satisfy his growing dependence. He had to start watching more and more hardcore pornography.
And even though the DSM might not categorize pornography as an addiction, Alister told us himself that it was the worst of his addictions.
Porn Can Destroy Relationships
The hardest part of Alister’s story was hearing how pornography destroyed his relationship. It warped his view of what sex should be between him and his partner, and it eventually caused her to leave. His story is exactly what the statistics tell us. Objectification of women is much more likely when one partner watches porn. https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2024.10.12.24315374v1.fullCopy Study after study tells us that porn is never good for relationships.
Instead, it destroys them.
But there’s a silver lining: recovery. Like Alister told us, he was able to finally begin fighting his pornography addiction and make great strides toward recovery. And if you’re struggling with porn, the same is possible for you. We’re here to help you in your recovery journey. To do that, we’ve compiled different resources to make this journey easy and possible. We have our age-appropriate and engaging presentation series about the harms of porn and what you can do, our Brain, Heart, World documentary, hundreds of Youtube videos, and of course, this blog. You’re not alone. We believe in you, so keep fighting!
